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AA Daily Reflections
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Make sure the other party knows that you’re working toward change and want to make things right. For instance, step 8 requires you to make a list of everyone you hurt that you sincerely want to make amends with. Then, in step 9, you attempt to make Substance abuse direct amends with as many people on your list as possible. Making amends is ill-advised if it involves confessing to actions the other party is unaware of, as this can lead to unnecessary pain.
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Before adding amends to your list, think about your motives for contacting this person and work with your sponsor to determine next steps. In Step 8, people in recovery look back on their actions and identify where they are at fault and what can be done moving forward. In the 9th Step, they then begin to make direct amends whenever possible.
Ways to Make Amends in Recovery
- If you are behind on child support payments, for example, you can give the other person a payment (rather than just having the conversation about missing payments).
- As the person in recovery continues to grow and evolve, they may uncover additional relationships or harms that require attention and repair.
- Before you decide who to approach and how you intend to make amends, reflect on your efforts at recovery and the intent behind making amends.
- Don’t simply say, “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you.” This can be seen as an attempt to minimize the effect your actions had or to imply that the other person doesn’t have a right to be upset.
You can start making amends by showing up, even if it’s years later, to do the things you said you’d do. If you are unsure of how you should make amends in a certain situation, you can consult with your sponsor or counselor about it. He or she will have helpful advice and wisdom that may help you make the right decision on how to proceed. However, it is worth mentioning other types of recovery programs will living amends also include the amends process at a specific point in your program. Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction. We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease.
- Sponsorship is critical to all of the 12 Steps, but it’s especially helpful at this stage.
- It encourages individuals to confront the past honestly, take responsibility without excuses or blame, and demonstrate a genuine commitment to change.
- It is equally important that you genuinely stop and listen to the other person.
- This becomes an important step on the path to becoming the person you aspire to be.
Before Step 9, one completes the Step 8 inventory, listing people they’ve harmed and developing a willingness to make amends. Some people on this list may be harder to approach, so readiness is key. If willingness isn’t there yet, the program encourages asking a Higher Power for guidance until that willingness arises. One can start with those amends that may be easier and work their way up to the more challenging ones. While many people are receptive and supportive of attempts to make amends, some are not. Communicating about the way you harmed others can evoke strong emotions.
How Living Amends Positively Impacts Recovery Outcomes
Overall, acts of repentance and making amends are crucial elements in the biblical teachings on forgiveness and reconciliation. They involve both inner transformation and tangible actions aimed at restoring relationships and righting wrongs. And we don’t mean just in terms of you making amends and living a life of recovery. We may be in recovery, but our family members may not be able to trust that it’s permanent or sincere. It took time for us to emerge from our chrysalis fully committed to recovery, and the people around us are entitled to go through the process without being rushed.
If you have taken these steps in recovery, please leave a comment! The main difference between the two recovery programs is that Celebrate Recovery is living amends a Christ-centered recovery program. However, if you are searching for answers related to AA’s Step 9, you’ve come to the right place because, as mentioned, the 12 steps are the same.
Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. Apologies, while they can be well meaning, feel like lip service to many people. Especially if the disease behaviors created deep fissures, or if they are used in place of more direct amends. While making amends can be healing, the outcome is not always https://www.alffastener.de/index.php/2020/10/23/wine-addiction-signs-risks-recovery-at-zoe/ predictable.
Recovery Stories
She came home to what she described as “a completely different house”. It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt. Yes, we partake in the process to « clean up our side of the street, » but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. It is very important to recognize that the act of making amends is for you and not the other person.